i wish

i wish i never learned to feel
long for days when
a jaded sneer was as close to caring
as i allowed myself

i wish i didn’t live
on a street with an elementary school
sure, those snowy days when they
plow my street first
are cool
but i miss the days when
no cheery voices awoke me
and the sidewalks didn’t reek
of innocence

i wish i never noticed the mothers
who wait in silence
every day with their special sons
or the father who walks his baby boy
to school, with ribboned little sister
skipping behind

i wish those in pain
did the world a favor
and committed suicide at home
dripping their misery
inside their gritty tubs
instead of on our streets

i wish i were still
jaded
enough not to feel

i wish the words didn’t choke so much
as i swallowed them

i wish i had never
learned to type
with my eyes closed

maybe the words would stay inside
where they belong

ojalá