Life, on Twitter


A poem comprising real-life tweets. Because Twitter is real life.

I just took a life-changing shower,
while making homemade matzoh ball soup
that I may enjoy the little things,
since, man, I needed that shit bad!

I’ve been an asshole my entire life, thought
I could wash it away, then, again
why stop now? I look at my life
through the windshield
not the rear-view mirror.

All I wanted was a happy ending,
a better life. So why am I watching
Fred the movie? What has my life come to?

“I hate when you’re nice to the weird kid,”
she said, “then BOOM – stalked for life!”
So I sucked up my pride and pocketed it.
I would much rather have her
as a friend, than nothing.

Dying would make everyone’s life easier.
Nothing drains the life from me
like enforced socializing with relatives, and
I really hate when people speak
that positivity shit.

I can’t imagine
sex without her.
My Sexophone.

Just stay with me.
smfh. Haters need to get a life.


4 Replies to “Life, on Twitter”

  1. You’re right, you can’t make this stuff up. I’m on Twitter, but I don’t really know why. I rarely tweet but I retweet a lot. Guess I can’t imagine why people I don’t know would want to read about my mundane life. Keep writing Bill, I’m still reading. Mary

  2. I don’t know why people watch reality TV either, especially since there is not much on TV that is real. Keep writing Bill, I’m still reading. Mary

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