Things No One Should Ever Say

Below is my ongoing list of things I believe no right-minded person should ever say. Only a few are technically wrong, but they irritate me. Therefore, they are banned.

This list will be updated as things piss me off.

  1. Craft – If you call your work, no matter what it may be, a craft, you sound like a pretentious ass. I will go so far as to say even if your work is to build a craft (aircraft, boats etc.) you may still not use the word. Call it what it is. It is writing, or your poetry, or widget building. It is not a craft, unless you are currently smoking while using a cigarette holder, and your world is in black and white. The only exemption is if you teach art to school-age children. In that case, use of the word craft rocks.
  2. Utilize – This word should be revoked. It is redundant with a better word, “use.” If you mean use, say use. Do not utilize this word, please.
  3. Refudiate – It was only funny the first time. This will become an actual word, much like “normalcy” did when Warren G. Harding invented it through equal ignorance. One’s native tongue should grow through efficiency, not stupidity.
  4. Irregardless – Um, no. Irrespective did not marry Regardless and have a baby. Quit it.
  5. Any Quote by Anonymous – If the writer did not think enough of her/his words to claim them, why on earth are you repeating them?
  6. “It Is what it Is” – Really? We thought it is what it ain’t. Being obvious and hackneyed is not the same as being witty or ironic. Only use this as a passive-aggressive expression to let someone in power know you disagree with their dumb ass, but are powerless to do anything about it. “Hey Mr. Manley, the schedule is what it is. Sure, I’ll work on Christmas.”
  7. Reality TV – Oxymoron. Reality, almost by definition, does not happen on TV. Unscripted TV, though pretentious, is more accurate. I prefer the term Shit TV, but that’s me.
  8. Me, Personally – Really?
  9. Your Name, Followed by Author – Unless you are filling out a job application, we don’t care. Stop it.
  10. Sowwy – Yes, I’ve had grown women say this to me. I did not hit them, as I am a gentleman. It did, however, terminate the conversations we were having. It is never cute, unless you’re three, and cannot yet pronounce the letter “R.”

As a Bonus, my Favorite Redundant Expression.

  1. Big Huge – Cute women who use this expression inevitably cause me to fall for them. Can’t help it, one must always have a guilty pleasure.